To the bride and groom, marriage is a loving contract between two people who want to spend the rest of their lives together. In the eyes of the law, marriage is also a contract between two people … not about love, but about a variety of financial rights and obligations.
It’s hard to talk about marriage as if it were “business,” but when it comes to creating a prenuptial agreement, that’s exactly the approach you should take. A prenuptial agreement isn’t a well-planned “exit strategy” or evidence of a lack of faith in the relationship. It is simply protection against an unlikely and unforeseen “what if” circumstance … an important “insurance policy” on the legal issues of the marriage contract.
The strategies below are intended to help you easily and painlessly convince your husband- or wife-to-be that a prenuptial agreement is in his/her interest as well as yours.
Discuss the Topic Early
Don’t wait until a week before your wedding to discuss a prenuptial agreement with your intended. Explore the topic early in a relationship, if possible, resolve the issue before you become engaged.
Ask, Don’t Assume
People have all kinds of notions about prenuptial agreements, many of them unfairly colored by the media’s reporting of highly publicized, and often bitter, divorce proceedings. Don’t assume that you and your spouse-to-be are on the same page with this topic; ask.
A Topic for the Head Not the Heart
It’s tough to talk about your loving, committed relationship as if it were a business arrangement. If you and your intended can agree to be logical (rather than emotional) about the preparation of a prenup, you’ll find it much easier.
Ask A Third Party
If your spouse-to-be is hesitant in any way, suggest that he/she consult with a legal professional to explore the benefits.
Tip: You may find it valuable to consult with a legal professional to understand the different kinds of issues that might be covered in a prenup. The better informed you are, the easier it will be for you to explain things to your intended.
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my mate wants to be a contract prenuptial between us, he’s never married but he has a daughter. He is Canadian and I am from Venezuelan so we are getting marry in canada and also we are sign this contract in canada. I am not sure about that but he is hesitate a lot. I would like to have some professional help about that.
Great articles. It should be compulsory for those that are mature. Marriage is a big commitment and no one knows what the future holds. This all coming from a big romantic…..
I’m having a very hard time accepting even the thought of a Pre-nup. I think LOVE should not be based on finances but on trust and understanding. I get very angry and hurt when we bring up the subject. i feel he has no confidance in our relationship, help’
Vineta,
Grow up! Marriage is just not about love, its a social contract. If you dont understand that maybe you shouldnt get married anyhow.
yeah Vineta… if you loved him so much you wouldn’t care.. sign the prenup, love-bird!
Be nice vineta! It is up to her! Don’t worry, I know exactly how you feel. Im going through it also. But trust your heart and listen to what you feel most confident with doing.
I meant to say: be nice “to” vineta!
I agreed with this point that during marriage the promises and agreements keep dishonesty and unfaith away in between these two couples in order to make them more trustable, faithful and honest for each other.
For me, the main reason to request a pre nup is to protect the couple from each party’s individual debt. I don’t want my partner’s debt to affect me and vice versa. Also, I like the fact about individual accounts (checking, saving, IRA) should be kept separate. However, when an account is joint, it will be joint.
I agree with vineta.. Me wife n I have been together 7 years no prenup and we both agree that it is totally unessassery marriage is for life . All money’s are shared all accounts are shared and all
It is protection against an unlikely “what if” circumstance … In one way or another, this is more inclined to what I also believe and practice.
Is this article really supposed to help change my mind on prenup’s? It had no basis, just suggestive ideas on looking into it more! As for a prenup its self; it’s not about being realistic or being in love; its about trusting the other person. If your significant other is adamant about a prenup it clearly shows that they don’t trust you! even if things didn’t work out they should have faith in you that you would not take them for all they are worth…if they doubt you…they should not be marring you…
I never expected to get divorced and I sure never expected my wife to take more than her fair share or what was not rightfully hers. Believe me , once an attorney gets involved they will try and take everything . I will never remarry without getting a prenup.
My BF and i are getting engaged soon… we are both grown, He has 4 grown children and grandchildren, I have 1 grown child and no grandchildren. we both own our own homes, he has his own business and i have a very good job. Everyone keeps telling us that we should get a prenup… we talk and tease about it, but in reality, I would really like to find out what might happen in the event of one of our deaths.. is this something that is handled in a prenup or in a will?
Sorry Sunshine
A marriage license is a business contract between two people. If you really really loved that person you would be together without having to sign a marriage document. Real love and real trust wouldn’t need and document. But if you have to sign a license its better to have an agreement for what happens if someone should break to agreement.
I am going through the whole prenup and to tell you the truth I find it hard to digest. I understand a prenup protects one partner from having any finacial value on one another, However after being in a long commonlaw relationship I feel that any property or financial benifits should be split equally. Even though one partner may make more money and make the bulk of the money. It should not make the other spouse or partner portrayed to be worthless. Relationships are hard enough without making it business. What ever happened to good old fashioned love you forever were in this together?
Wow, faced with one myself – though I do fully understand the need and desire to have this contract (by the way I do agree with it) I am put off a little by the fact that I was not included in the initial consult with the attorney. I do feel if everything is out on the table between two people then this conversation should take place with all parties involved as there should be nothing that can’t be discussed in front of both parties.
It is very important to have this kind of contract and to protect your own interests.
Life- is not just now and today. If something wrong will happen in 10 years,if you will have children at this point, you will understand how important it was.
Protect your financial future…
If the heart will be broken one day, at least you will be able to feed your kids!
We are marrying in a few days. I generally go along with whatever he says, but I am very unhappy about having a prenup. I feel it is degrading to me and as if he cares more about his money than about me. I will do it, but I will never forget the hurt i am feeling right now. We have been together for 9 years, and living together for 8.
I just wonder how many of those who are against the prenup are actual bread earners. I have a young son and have been through a divorce and custody battle. Having been through that pain and stress previously nothing would give me more piece of mind than having this document. People do awful things to each other when the love ends whether through marriage or death and I would hate for my innocent child to suffer because of our selfish actions.
I understand and agree with Bonnie. I am crazy in love and we talk about being together forever. We both have been married before and understand the emotional and finicail tole it takes on a person. He has more assests then me and we live together in his house. We share everthing. Now he wants a pre-nup as we have talked about marriage and I feel over whelmed with emtion. I feel like the trust that I thought was so strong isn’t really there for him. I get that marriaage is a contract and you need to protect your assests etc but it just hurts that he has it drawn up without me and asks me to sign. it. I don’t know how to get over these feelings like I’m not worthy of trust and sharing his assests.
I am very new to this. Ive never been married, but my first time is coming. My other half, has been married 2 times before. The first marrage, she took him for everything. The 2nd marrage, he had her sign a prenup, to prevent loosing everything..Now, he has asked me to sign a prenup..I was very blown away by this. I felt that there is no trust there. I thought that when you go into a marrage, you share everything. Call me old fashion, but marrage is about love, trust, and wanting to be happy for the rest of your lives. Not, I love you, can you sign this please..
I have the same question as Isabel. How many of these disgruntled mates are actual bread winners? I am a female and I wouldn’t marry again without one. Marriage is a financial contract. In fact, in some states, if your spouse racks up debt, you can be responsible for it even if it’s not a joint account. Most people are not very responsible with finances AND when it comes to money, most people will do ANYTHING to gain. One should always be prepared that is why insurance is offered on almost everything including new tires!
Both parties should have a truthful dialogue about the prenup, weighing pros and cons. Then it is the right time to decide what is best for their future together.